Exiting with Dignity

In my July 2023 essay “Like I Used To,” I wrote about how even though I can’t do many of the activities like I could when I was a spry fifty- or even a sixty-something, I still can do them, just not as quickly, as fast, or as hard. The point was that we seniors don’t necessarily need to give up the ghost on activities we enjoyed in our younger years. Instead, we just need to acknowledge the vehicle that carried us to where we are now is inexorably wearing out and breaking down.

Twenty-first-century technological and medical advancements have provided replacement parts and fixes for many of the mechanistic aspects of our bodies—e.g., knees, hips, stents, prostheses—but they haven’t produced the elixir for the vital rest. Sclerosis sets in, muscles, even if regularly exercised, lose strength, and the brain’s neuroplasticity declines.

While that’s true overall, it’s important to keep in mind that everyone ages differently. For some, the mind declines first, and for others, the body. Regardless, the reality is we all age. There are no exceptions. No one gets out alive. It’s nature’s way of clearing out the old to make way for the new.

One of my late-life blessings is consorting with active friends who pursue a range of interests and skills. It’s uplifting to see how to a one they don’t lose sight they have plenty of life in them despite their aches and pains. They don’t need to be exhorted to “carpe diem” because they’ve already seized the day they have. Perhaps it’s because they recognize their remaining days are dwindling and their next one might not only be as good as the day they have now, it might be their last.

And it’s inspirational to watch octogenarians and nonagenarians pursuing unrelentingly their life’s work. Warren Buffet and multiple great performers, like the late Betty White, readily come to mind. It’s important to understand, however, their work doesn’t entail life-and-death consequences for the public writ large, like ensuring the security of the nation.

Then there are those who seemingly believe they’re exceptions to the immutable law of nature that says that which lives must die, and its corollary that says if it’s reached a ripened age, it’ll become feeble. They muddle on and embarrass themselves by bragging how they can still do something like they used to, like keeping their golf game’s handicap.

The political realm seems to be the major one in which age deniers hang on well past their prime. They convince themselves they’re indispensable, that no one else can fill their shoes. It’s a form of denialism, delusionary self-aggrandizement, and egocentrism. What’s crazy is that they don’t seem to grasp that at some point in the not-too-distant future they’ll be dead and gone and another will take their place. Nature’s kind of funny that way.

The topic of aging was thrust front and center into our national conversation because of the potential of the two dominant political parties nominating for president two men well into their advanced years. One finally faced reality and exited the race with his dignity intact. The other dodders on.

Acceptance is the final step in Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s process of coming to terms with loss. She delineated it in relation to the end-of-life scenario, but it’s applicable to much more. Loss involves pretty much every aspect of our lives, from career to physical and mental abilities.

When forced to give something up or if it’s taken away, a healthy, balanced mind finds and engages in worthwhile, fulfilling activities. The less-so clings to whatever they held close or defined them. They do so for fear their new garb will pale in comparison to the golden ring, fleece, or crown they’re currently wearing and that they’ll no longer be considered relevant and be in the spotlight.

In As You Like It, William Shakespeare wrote, “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances.” Entrances are the easy part. Exits not so much.  

In the theater, there’s a wisecrack line about an actor who refuses to exit the stage: Get the hook! It comes to mind when watching and listening to long-in-the-tooth elderlies trumpet they’re as fit as the fiddles they once were when it’s clearly evident they’re not.

Great character includes a plethora of noble attributes. One is accepting one has aged out and it’s high time to exit the stage while they have their dignity and before the audience yells, “Get the hook!”