2008

17 September 2008: The great, glorious gospel of schmucks

The great, glorious gospel of schmucks

It’s confusing, this recent debate about who is smarter about economics: me or the Old Guy with a super rich wife with seven homes who told the Wall Street Journal, “I’m going to be honest: I know a lot less about economics than I do about military and foreign policy issues. I still need to be educated.”

Seven is a lucky number. Great things come in sevens: the Seven Dwarfs, the Seven Deadly Sins, the Seven Beatitudes—the one about “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth” having been deleted from the Revised Bible for Fundamentalists.

The OG also added, “I’ve got Greenspan’s book.” It’s his bible.

In my bible, things go like this:

People create money. Money is simply a tool.

People create wealth too, which is different from money.

Money is absolute. Wealth is relative.

Wealth itself is not a moral issue. What one does with his/her wealth is a moral issue.

When one’s moral compass is magnetized by greed and self-centeredness, then he/she shall accumulate much and be called a success for heaping earthly treasures.

For Schmucks the purpose of life is to heap earthly treasure. Schmucks believe who has the most toys wins.

Economic justice is a myth. Achieving economic justice would be a noble feat.

There is also the Great Myth of the Free Market. Creating such a market would be noble as well.

Exxon-Mobil gives a rat’s behind about you filling up your tank, especially the tank in your tank. E-M does not give a rat’s behind about the cost it costs you.

E-M’s primary goal is to satisfy his shareholders’ thirst for more. That’s his job.

E-M once wrote, “Two roads diverged in the woods, and I, I took the one that maximized short-term profit”

Alan Greenspan, the god of the OG’s bible, now is considered a schmuck.

At times, a schmuck gets with other schmucks and forms a group. The group is called schmucks. Another word for schmucks is corporation.

Not all schmucks are bad; they thrive on competition. They’re nice schmucks.

Others, though, are fallen schmucks who do not like competition. They alter the playing field as much as they can through what is called “hostile takeover.” Sometimes a hostile takeover is called a “merger.”

The unemployment rate has climbed to 6.1 percent. During the balmy days of June, July, and August, over 80,000 jobs each month were “lost.”

In a game, one who has lost is called the loser.

Schmucks call the 6.1 percent that have lost, “losers.”

Losers are good for schmucks, especially fallen schmucks, because the law of supply and demand works here: With the supply of job seekers rising and the demand lowering, the need to supplicate the teeming masses with what is called a “livable wage” is mitigated, unless, of course, stymied by pesky inconveniences such as labor contract provisions or minimum wage laws.

Lowering is a good active verb in this case. Lowing, as in “the cattle are lowing,” correlates, as in “Those who have been lowed are lowing.”

According to the Gospel of Schmucks, corporate socialism is OK. It is good and just to bailout Freddie, Fannie and Bear, and in time Ford, GM, and the other company that once was part of the American Big Three.

People socialism is now a “Thou shalt not.” Dumb rats’ behinds that were fool enough to fall for the sub-prime loans spiel of Freddie, Fannie and Bear deserve their plight, unlike Freddie, Fannie, and Bear that deserve to be rewarded with a hundreds-of-billions bailout courtesy of the losers and potential losers.

Schmucks also believe that it is OK for sixty-five percent of schmucks, also known as corporations, not to pay income taxes to defend their country.

Schmucks say they put “country first.” Sometimes they do. Sometimes what’s good for the schmucks’ bottom line is good for their country. But where the two roads diverge in the forest, their country is second.

The Great Schmuck of the Roaring Twenties said it best: “The business of America is business.” He threw a wonderful party.

Alan Greenspan was there. He wore a party hat.

John McCain was there too. He blew a kazoo. They had a grand time.

The hangover from the party, though, was depressing. Many a schmuck jumped from a bridge. They made a big splash.

So it goes.

There was once a great writer who wrote a wonderful novel about the fire-bombing of Dresden. He didn’t think highly of schmucks. He died.

So it goes.

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